Human Resource

Words by @workessence (Neil Usher) Music & brilliant performance by @dougshaw1 (Doug Shaw) at #chru 2011…..

So welcome to careers advice
By Crystal, Balls and Whistles
For us, ten minutes’ sacrifice
For you, a bed of thistles
Blessed as we are, with retrospect
We may just steer you rightly
We’re not quite sure what you expect
But suggest you curse politely
Contractually from what we say
There’s no redress or recourse –
You’re on your own and on your way
Now you’re a human resource;

You’ve come prepared I do regret
With your qualifications
You may as well have stacked a debt
On hedonist vacations
There’s nothing at university
You can’t find in the cloud
Your i-Pad is a library
And talking loud- well, is allowed
And I see you’ve got a suit and tie on
A stuffed shirt without remorse –
Get your jeans, forget the iron
Now you’re a human resource;

Its great you have a CV
But that’s for oldschool peasants
We’ve abandoned linearity
Now its online presence
Its from here to ubiquity
With LinkedIn, Tweets and blogging
Push a 3D identity
and avoid the dead-horse flogging
You may be digital native
But you’re really rather coarse –
You’ve got to get creative
To be a human resource;

So – you want flexibility
And a chance to work abroad
Pure sustainability
And merit-based reward
Space for concentration
And interactive tools
Online collaboration
And exemption from the rules?
There must be some confusion
You’re a million miles off course –
A super-sized delusion
For a human – bloody! – resource

But I see you’ve got a start-up
And are followed by a legion
And organise a Tweetup
That’s legend in the region
You fart and its Retweeted
You cough to find it trending
And every thought completed
Is another patent pending
I feel the truth approaching
We’d better close this discourse –
‘cause I’m the one needs coaching
Now you’re a human resource….

Dedicaated to Clark Morrison, 1923-2011

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