They would at first point out that they were not here to “manage” Christmas but to facilitate it using your natural skills and resources. Especially your financial resources.
The programme would see Christmas Day on 23 January, because they really should have been brought on board earlier to have been effective. If Christmas Day has to be 25 December, all contracted deliverables are void.
They would organise an all-expenses paid trip to interview Father Christmas, to understand his vision, motives and world view. In Selfridges.
Expectations would be aligned around a common goal. Like a heated massaging footspa, for example.
The importance of disruptive behaviour would be encouraged. Like drinking advocat.
They would convince everyone that without their involvement Christmas would be a total disaster, and that old habits like giving and receiving presents and pulling crackers would continue.
They would encourage the use of positive language at this time of year. Like “Merry Christmas” and “Happy New Year”. Nice.
Its important to be yourself at work.Post-Christmas party moral bankruptcy would be handled sympathetically, through the posting of pictures on a specially-constructed Authenticity Board. And Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
They would superimpose the Grieving Curve on the whole thing. The low point would be unwrapping the heated massaging footspa having asked for a PlayStation.
Carols would be replaced with crustacean mating calls. They’re tricky.
They would deploy a troupe of Associates (all available) to convince you that the heated massaging foot spa was far more what you wanted than the PlayStation you actually asked for, and that you are actually eternally grateful.
A session would be planned for Boxing Day on “letting go”. Of the TV remote.
The appointment would be extended until Easter to ensure all behaviours were bedded in, and that all of the advocat had gone.
They would be returning next year, free of charge, for more of the same. Because it was the best fun they ever had.
Back in 2015, Happy New Year!